A/B Honor Roll

The little boy I tutor earned A/B Honor Roll again last six weeks. He kept it a secret from me. He didn't tell me, didn't even let on.

Can you guess why he didn't tell me?

Because his Dad tells him, "For every A/B Honor Roll you earn you owe Miss Averill a feet massage to thank her for helping you to study." That little boy is terrified he's actually going to have to rub my feet. 

#ABHonorRoll #IRockatFourthGrade #nowgetinmyarchrealgoodwithyourlittlefingers #feetmassage

Vacation's Over

At 9:45 pm we had just passed the New Albany, MS exit on Hwy 78. The Tahoe in the slow lane is driving with their hazards on. All of a sudden underneath the Tahoe lights up red with fire like a rocket ship blasting off and the driver's side of their car is airborne. 

Valentine said I calmly warned him, "Look out for that."

With an absolute steady hand and mind Valentine maneuvers around the vehicle that is flying through the air and across the interstate at interstate speeds on three wheels and a disk that is glowing hot lava red and shooting flames. Their truck sporadically wobbles, zooming from each lane as their driver's side tire and rim projectiles across the air directly at us. The Tahoe's tire hits us like a 21st century cannon ball, melting the plastic of the front fender and ripping off the passenger's fender flare. In less time than it takes to blink the tire rolls up the hood, impacting and scraping the hood in front of me. The tire and debris grazes the passenger side view mirror to a chorus of eff-bombs.

The child in the backseat is jolted awake, "What?!"

"Are you okay?" 

"Yes, what happened?"

Valentine pulls onto the emergency shoulder. Dazed, she hops out of the Jeep into the grass on the side of the interstate. That is one helluva way to be woken up. 

Valentine checks on the couple, who don't get out of their car. I call the Mississippi State Troopers. 

The driver couldn't get out of the car. The entire side panel had buckled. 

I walk back to check on the people. The Tahoe couple, who are also from Memphis, apologize profusely. The state troops arrive and call the police. 

We call the older kids, who went home hours before we did, and my parents. The police arrive, take names and write reports. They send us away to Wal-mart for zip-ties and bungee cords to tie the hood down. 

As I'm walking into Wal-mart, mainly to check for skid-marks in my panties because this literally scared the crap outta me, I can't help but to be so grateful that Valentine was incredibly quick and calm. If he had not of been on top of the situation that modern cannon ball would have hit the windshield and without a doubt killed us. 

A Doctor's Visit

Dad went in at 6:45 this morning for a colonoscopy. 

I texted #TheSilverFox hours later to check on him. 

She responded, "Your Dad is the perfect asshole."

Flame is in the Dog Food Again

My youngest brother's name is Blaise (pronounced Blaze). When he was a baby the kids of our family friends couldn't remember his name. They called him Flame. We were at a get-together and I hear, "Flame is in the dog food, again!" 

There he was, 6 months to a year old, sitting on the floor next to the dog food with a mouthful and two fists of kibble. 

The Silver Fox laughed, "We don't have to feed him now!" She always explained her seemingly lackadaisical parenting of him as having made her mistakes on Trey and me.

Flame digested the dogfood. 

He's still adventurous. 

The Best Compliments 2016: Different Perspectives

The I had a decent lunch walk today. Every time I jogged I saw someone I know. Each person was a strategically placed cheering section at the exact moment I needed it. That was pretty cool. #thankyouGod

As I was finishing out my walk a member of the DayJob Maintenance Groundskeeping Staff waved me down. He stopped and climbed down from his standing mower, yelling over the sound of the engine, "I see you all of the time! If I did half as much as what you do I'd be doing well!"  

Wow! Just wow! A person I don't recognize taking the time to give me, a complete stranger, a compliment. 

As I smiled at him he frowns. I yell to him, "Don't get down on yourself. You do that everyday. That's something I'm amazed at and can't do. I'm severely allergic to all of it," I wave my hand to include the grass and trees. His shoulders pick up, he shakes his head yes, he smiles, and hops back on his mower.

#everyonesperspectiveisdifferent #happy2016 #thebestcompliments 

A Perfumania Frenzy

My coworker, in the cubicle diagonal from mine, received a new perfume for Christmas. On Monday and Tuesday of this week she's been ever so kind to wait until she gets to work in the morning to drowned in a whore's bath, like a mosquito fogger truck, a perfumania of spritzes and sprays, a frenzy of perfume in her cubicle. 

The first day I thought I was choking to death. I couldn't catch my breath or clear my throat. The second day I was choking and my eyes swelled, itched, and burned. I don't believe she sprayed it today, yesterday, I asked my supervisor how to address the issue. She said she'd take care of it. Just like I warned, today I have a sinus infection and an excruciating headache. The headache is so disabling that I was nauseous and  I couldn't see out of my left eye this morning. 

Don't get me wrong, her perfume is absolutely lovely, once it's calmed down. But it lingers in the air for hours and loud perfume is against dress code policy. 

Spraying perfume happens to be a huge trigger for my severe allergies. I'm not asking that she not wear her perfume, just that she not spray it in the office. 

#ineedtoliveinabubble #dayjob #officework #cubiclelife 

Goal Digger 2016: She's Going The Distance

What do these items have in common? Here's a hint: #goaldigger2016 #ARCgoaldigger2016 #healthfitness #exercisemotivation

I was verbally motivating myself to only go 1/2 a mile when I see a deer in the middle of the street. A car passes by me, shining his headlights on the deer. Nope, not a deer. It's a rogue German Shepard and it starts charging at me. The car drives off. 

"It's not my dog, don't leave me!" 

I tear off my glove and pull the pink cartridge of pepper spray from underneath my reflective vest and out of the jacket pocket. This wild ass animal is still coming after me. I stutter to hold my ground. It is running after me! It's beast toenails scrape the asphalt as it charges towards me, growling. 

The pepper spray is ready and aimed toward the animal when I lose it. I panic. I've seen the police training videos where German Shepards tear apart men dressed in protective sumo wrestler gear. I have an imaginary flash of my gizzard ripped out as I lay dead on the side of the road in a CSI Atoka crime scene. 

Instead of being the next murder victim, I raise my arms in the air. I scream like a Banshee. The German Shepard retreats as I run the opposite direction. 

I haven't run this far since 2007, when I ran exclusively on a treadmill, then herniated a disc in my spine, pinched my sciatic nerve, and lost all feeling from my hip to my toes in my left leg. I couldn't feel cold. I didn't know if I was bleeding. I couldn't balance on it. I couldn't wear closed shoes because I couldn't tell if they were too tight. There was nothing there. I had to go to months of physical therapy to get the feeling back and relearn to walk without dragging my leg like Quasimodo. 

Tonight, to get away from the dog, because I wanted to do it for that 2007 me, and for me today I kept pushing to go further. Thanks to the spike in adrenaline, however looking like a turtle swimming through peanut butter, I jogged just over 1.1 miles!  

Yep, I am pretty damn motivated and knocking goals out #onemileatatime!