Scandalous, Part I

I thought I had enough drama in my life, but apparently not. 

This is major! 

This is scandalous!!

I've seen his penis!!! 

I know it is him. I've seen that man's penis!

On our first and only date he flopped that thing out of his pants and said, "Look at what you do to me."

It was hard and he cradled it like he would have held a baby out in front of him, to allow for maximum viewing pleasure. 

I shielded my hand in front of my face, "Put that away!" I hissed. "I did not do that to you! I haven't even touched you!  I have not even kissed you! So, you did that to yourself. Put that thing away!"  

I am drunk, full of myself, mouthy, brutally honest, and not interested. I agreed to go out with him because I thought it would make for a good story. Sex with him was not an option. It was nowhere on the table of possibilities. I agreed to the date because what else was I going to do that night? Nothing, except a potential outing to Senses with my best girlfriend. I can have that adventure every weekend. 

We are sitting on the sofa in his double wide that is parked on cinderblocks in the middle of his mother's front yard. I am deep somewhere off of a gravel road down by the railroad tracks in Crenshaw, MS. It is late Saturday night, but because I have not slept it is actually early on a Sunday morning in March of 2005. I do not know what I have gotten myself in to.

Reluctantly he put the monster back in his pants. Soon afterward he made the excuse to change into shorts. As I sat there, averting my eyes, I swore to myself that although this is going to be a fantastic story only a select few in my inner circle will hear about this. 

All that has changed.