30 Things to Be Grateful

1. I'm grateful that when I die my friends and family will make the correct decision to only post flattering photos in my obituary.
2. I'm grateful for friends that will tell me when I have something in my freaking teeth.
3. I'm grateful for ice cream; I love that shit!
4. I'm grateful for shoes, all of 'em in my collection, and even the ones I don't own yet.
5. I'm grateful for yellow lights, without them I'd never get anywhere in traffic.
6. I'm grateful for soft t.p.
7. I'm grateful for padded bras in the winter.
8. I'm grateful that J-squared doesn't read my blog.
9. I'm grateful that my jeans are not ankle-beaters.
10. I'm grateful for Scrunchie, because as obnoxious as she is she's good for comic relief.
11. I'm grateful that you use deodorant.
12. I'm grateful that my job doesn't interfere with my social life.
13. I'm grateful that my parents never gave me a sister, I didn't have to share my shit!
14. I'm grateful for my sense of humor because I'm pretty damn funny. Well at least I crack myself up.
15. I'm grateful for those giant packets of individual serving sized ketchups.
16. I'm grateful for barley and hops.
17. I'm grateful for orphaned coins left on the sidewalk,
18. I'm grateful for self-flushing toilets because no matter how high they put the flush handle on a toilet I'm kicking my foot up there.
19. I'm grateful for Al Gore because without him you couldn't read this on the Internet.
20. I'm grateful for dresses because I'm too lazy to pull on a pair of pants.
21. I'm grateful that no one seriously annoyed the crap outta me today.
22. I'm grateful for stretchy pants.
23. I'm grateful for discount shopping.
24. I'm grateful for Pepto-Bismol and Imodium AD; nobody wants the fire-poops.
25. I'm grateful for extended family; the further away the more I'm grateful.
26. I'm grateful for fermented and crushed grapes.
27. I'm grateful for the bouncing red ball that hops from word to word in sing along songs. Without it I'd never be able to follow along.
28. There is such a thing as stupid questions, in those moments I'm grateful for Advil Liqui-Gels.
29. Because a sandwich would be pretty difficult without it, sliced bread is spectacular and I'm grateful it exists.
30. I'm grateful I'm not a Breeder because I like sleeping in on Saturday mornings.