BOUNCE!

I'm sitting silently in my car, in the driveway, illuminated only by the glow of my cellphone while I delete emails. 

BOUNCE! 

My car bounces and lurches foward!

My keys are in my lap!

If a mountain lion is sitting on my roof, I'll lose my bowels right here in the driver's seat! I swear he's going to open my roof like a tin of sardines to get this Kroger rotisserie chicken that I'm about to carry in the house. 

Whew! 

It's only Rick Ross, the Cat Nip Drug Cartel Lord kitty from next door. 

Remember last year when The Silver Fox and Real Life Superman planted cat nip in the backyard? And there was the neighbor's cat that would stand near it and guard it? That's Rick Ross, only now he's huge and his drug field has multiplied. 

I still hope he doesn't take my rotisserie chicken. 

I'll make a run for it anyway.