Wednesday, November 11, 2015

The Best Compliments, 2

The saga with Nate the Salad Chef continues. 

Yesterday, Nate asked my coworker and I what we wanted for Christmas. I replied, "One karat diamond solitaire drop pendant necklace," because my parents taught me to tell the truth. 

This afternoon when I walk through the doors he hollars, "ALL HAIL, my woman is HERE! " All of the boys behind the counter and in front of the grease pit start whoopin' and hollerin'. Nate tells me, "I can't control myself when I see you coming." He looks at the kid behind the register, "She's beautiful! I've been trying to mess with her for seven years! Dogit, seven years since we opened!" 

The kid quips back, "Ya'ain't gotta tell me nothin' I got eyes too."

"Now wait a minute, son." He looks back to me, "I ain't want no mess outta you, this year we exchanging Christmas gifts!"

Wait! What? That escalated quickly. 

I guess #wegotogethernow #bestcompliments2015  #Properetiquettedictatesdonotacceptdiamondsfrommenyoudontdate #itsashamethatImemotionallyunavailable #hedoesntwantemotions #hejustwantsthecat #meow


Dodging Bullets

He came on so strong and eager to love that it scared me. I ran away by disappearing off of the face of the Earth. He continued to pursue me while I was in another relationship. On breaks we dated, off-and-on between the ages of 18-26. Eventually I believed us to be in a serious long distance relationship, until I was texted from a friend that he bought a ring for his real girlfriend. 

I was just somebody to waste time with on the phone. I was devastated. 

He continued to call, "I want to invite you to something special. If I send you an invitation will you attend?" 

"If it's your wedding, no."

"But you're special to me and it would mean a lot."


"I understand."

The Silver Fox stood there listening to my side of the telephone conversation. As soon as I ended the call she cradled me as I collapsed in her arms.

In the ultimate form of flattery he continued to call, to beg "Please run away with me," "Let's get married."

The night before his wedding I had him on speaker phone while sitting on the bed of my best friend. He asked me to agree to be in a relationship with him even after the vows were exchanged. "Michael, you've made your decision. You are walking down the aisle tomorrow; tonight, you just have cold feet. Marry that girl." I hung up. 

To save face in front of our friends he began spreading rumors about me. He told them that I have an over active imagination and a propensity to tell lies. He told them that I forced him to have sex with me. <insert WTF Black Girl meme> When I confronted him in front of the rumor recipients he unfriended and blocked me. 

It has been years since I have thought about these incidents. If I think about him at all I remember him fondly from high school, when I'd attended the secret parties he or my brother used to throw, flirting while working together at the Y, the way his eyes softened before we'd kiss, or how he sent me a love letter on the first day away at summer camp. Those memories shine brightly. 

In the spur of the moment those bad memories can be triggered. Today, I received another text. He's getting divorced. He's been caught cheating on his wife. 

It really is no surprise to me. 

Pardon me for a moment as I'm over here reveling. It has taken some years for the truth to come to the light, but like Keanu in Matrix I've managed to dodge bullets.