Thursday, January 22, 2015

Titles, Actors, and IMDB

I walked in the door from Radio-Memphis to find J2 watching a Western. 

Now, I am notoriously bad at remembering movie titles, actors names, tv shows, and song titles; I get them all mixed up. It's ridiculously embarrassing. I like to think I make it up by having memorized the heck out of story lines and plots. But that's just to make myself feel better. 

Not paying attention, I simply glance at the tv screen before turning away, but I hear their voices and say, "Ohh! Oh! Oh! That's Waterworld and A Fish Called Wanda." 

For some reason this beautifully minded man gets me. He responds, "Yes, and that's Hunt For Red October and Lethal Weapon."

Without IMDB can you guess the movie?

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Vintage, Pink, & Phallic

Yesterday was a spectacular mail day! They are completely inappropriate and that's why I LOVE them! Soon we'll have little, vintage, pink, phallic salt & pepper shakers on the dinner table. 

I promise, I'll try to keep a straight face while they are being used. 

Monday, January 19, 2015

MLK Day 2015


I took  advantage of a still moment on Friday night at the National Civil Rights Museum (@ncrmuseum) reflecting upon the good done by a man with a belief, a voice, and a perseverance for Civil Rights. #KingDay2015 #MLKDay #MemphisTN #CivilRights #NationalCivilRightsMuseum #MartinLutherKingJr

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Great White Help

He never gets acne. However, this afternoon when arriving home from a two night Boy Scouts camping trip his face has broken out. 

Phaedra goes into the bathroom comes back and confronts him, "Here Mav. Take this. You need it."

"Uhhhhh....Really? What is it?"

The jar is in her left hand and a small, damp, white, quilted, cotton buffer clamped in between her index finger and thumb, "It's a Stridex acne pad. It'll help you. Wipe it across your acne covered face. It looks like you have herpes on your mouth. It'll clear it up quickly."

"No! That's the rudest thing you've ever said to me!"

"No it's not. I've been much meaner."

He walks away from her. 

She follows closely behind to corner him in his bedroom, "Seriously. It looks like you've been making out with a hooker. Are you sure that's not mouth herpes? You need this acne pad!"

He slams the door in her face while I am hysterically cackling at this interchange.

I'm no help. 

Monday, January 12, 2015

Recipe: Chicken Nachos

I am always on the look out for extremely easy and quick recipes that will feed this family of four. I'm not one to post recipes, but I am doing it.

Today, I've found a gem! 

My best friend, Jenny, and I are on the phone. I am lamenting about meal planning, my lack of it, and what to cook this week. Jenny pulls up the Rolodex in her mind and begins to scroll through her go-to recipes and suggests Chicken Tacos. 

I look in the pantry and of course I don't have taco shells. Why don't I have taco shells? I could have sworn I was more like my mom and kept taco shells on hand. 

Jenny asks, "Do you have tortilla chips?" She says 'tortilla' mockingly in the manner of Napoleon Dynamite. 

"Why yes I do!"

 "Great! You can have Chicken Nachos instead!" 

I gather the ingredients. Here is the best part: I dump them into the crockpot. That is it!! 

Chicken Tacos/Nachos

2 lbs of frozen chicken breasts 
1 can of Rotel
1 cup of salsa
1 package of taco seasoning
1 package of ranch seasoning
1 spoonful of diced jalapeƱos (omit)

Dump all of the above into a crock-pot. Put in the frig over night. Place the shell back into the crock-pot - I had the Little Rottens do this when they came home from school. Set the crock-pot on high for three hours. Our crock-pot cooks quickly, you may have to adjust your temperature and cooking time.

It's so damn delicious, try not to eat it all by yourself! 

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

It's Not A Goodbye, It's A See Ya Later

At 6 am this morning, on a restless night without sleep, I've done everything possible including emptying the trash in the bathroom as a diversion...having an extremely difficult time finding the strength to walk across and 10 feet down the hall to wake these children up to make the longest drive to Nashville. 

This is what it feels like to be a parent, torn between letting them sleep longer and keeping them innocent by protecting these two kids who do not yet know the seriousness of their Grampa's health and the pain of losing a grandparent or exposing them to heartache. 

I hardly slept last night. I have an extremely heavy heart. Jeff​​, Wendy​​, Pandora, her boyfriend Cliff, Maverick, Phaedra, and I will gather together as a family this afternoon to say goodbye to Mr. Steve​​, their doting and affectionate Dad/Grampa. 

Thank you's and appreciation to the outpouring of affection and the emotional support of friends and extended family, especially Diane​​, Blaine​​, and The Bowens. Prayers, thoughts, and vibes to the Janovetzes for the emotional heartbreak they will endure within the next few minutes, hours, days, weeks, and years.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Bah, Humbug!

After arriving home from work this evening to grass waving from the driveway cracks in the bitter, cold, December wind, the front walk covered in an forgotten pile of autumn leaves, the shirked weeds and thriving crab grass in the flower beds never having been pulled this spring, and an avoided pile of mail sitting on the coffee table for longer than a month I made a decision. This year, I'm going to treat Christmas as the kids treat chores. 

They are going to have to remind me every day damn that Christmas is coming. Oh, I will already know it is here and I have obligations to complete Christmas activities. Advent calendars, baking cookies, decorating the Christmas tree, purchasing gifts, wrapping presents: I am not interested in doing it! 

I will see Christmas looming in front of me, directly in front of me, crossing the days off of the calendar. But, I will walk on past it and pretend it is not here. If it is brought up, I will pretend to think about it. I will pout about it. I will fight about it. I will avoid it at all costs. I will scream "It's already been done!" when clearly it has not. 

I am sure I will see lists of Christmas wishes. I will even volunteer to buy some of those items on the wish lists. But, in the end I will not do it. If I am forced, after repeated reminders and eventual threats, to participate I will do it begrudgingly, half-assed, hurriedly, and frantically as I hear the clatter of hooves on the roof and see that Jolly Fat Man sliding down the chimney. So, if they ask for something specific, only after I have saved every world on the Xbox, returned every text, gone to every party, and posted all of my selfies, possibly by St. Patrick's Day, give or take, I will eventually get around to it.  Then, I might purchase and gift the cheap, dollar store version. In return I will expect full accolades and praise. 

If children celebrated Christmas like they complete chores I would save a ton of money and even more time. It is no wonder I am not in the spirit. If anyone is interested in lifting my saccharine cheer, you can earn the gifts I've already purchased. 




Bah, humbug! You can keep your Christmas!