Friday, December 21, 2012


I've never had a boyfriend my brothers like, until now.

Earlier this week J-squared tells me something along the lines that he is developing a bro-mance crush on MarineBrother. I rolled my eyes, totally unamused, "Seriously? Okay, we'll that's cool."

Yesterday evening after Family night supper and Christmas tree trimming J-squared and I are sitting around having a delightful conversation. He asks me, "What time on Sunday is Max's birthday party?"

Remember, Max is MB's son who turns two today.

I know for a fact I never told him about the birthday party because he loathes children's birthday parties. I was going by myself. I cut my eyes at J-squared, "How do you know about that? I never told you."

"MarineBrother and I have been texting." He said it so cavalier.

"You don't even have his number!!!" My mind was spinning. I wonder when they exchanged phone numbers? What else is J-squared up to that I don't know about?Then I remembered, "Oh wait, yes you do I was texting him from your phone on Thanksgiving when my phone died. He didn't even text me today! I haven't heard from him since Monday!"

This is what it feels like to be replaced.

Thursday, December 13, 2012


Well, well, well. This is a first.

I guess I should have known my parents are comfortable with J-squared & family at Thanksgiving dinner. Instead of being calm and very polite to get everyone calmed down for the champagne toast The Handy Man who is always reserved, raises his voice. He hollers, "Hey you people! Be quiet! It's time for the toast!" Instantly the breakfast room full of 14 people, two were absent, becomes silent. THM raises his champagne flute, "To family!"

Monday, December 10, 2012

Lunch with Bigger Boss

Out of a Bingo ball spinning raffle my name was pulled to have lunch with Big Boss's Boss. Tomorrow is the day.

Naturally, when I learned my name was pulled I emailed another coworker who was chosen a few months ago. I wanted to confirm that Bigger Boss doesn't eat the heads off of babies as I am forced to watch. She cooled my apprehensions.

Also, since my job is ridiculously strict I had to confirm my extended lunch with Nosey Supervisor. So nearly every day since I was invited to lunch with Bigger Boss NS has been suggesting outfits I should wear, "You know what outfit of yours is my favorite?" or, "I think this outfit of yours is appropriate..." I'd rather be apprehensive and speculate about my impending lunch by sending wildly imaginative emails rather than be subjected to NS verbally recalling and digging through my wardrobe.

We'll see. I just hope the heads of babies aren't on the menu.

Bar Brawl

J-squared, a friend couple, and I went out to dinner on Saturday night. After supper, I wanted to go home and crawl directly into bed to sleep. Reluctantly I went with the crowd and I had a blast!

We went dancing at the Electric Cowboy. Think Denim and Diamonds circa 1999. No really, the same people from D&D but 13 years older, plus younger beautiful people. It's a real meat market.

While I was on the dance floor with Nessa a former classmate came up to me. I hadn't seen him since we had class together two and a half years ago. I hugged him hello. We danced around a bit. I told him I was here with our friends and my boyfriend. I pointed J-squared out.

He danced back over to me a few minutes later to tell me that his girlfriend wanted to beat my ass.

For a hug and a fast dance I was being threatened to get my ass kicked. Wow! I felt like I felt like I was at a fraternity party. "Oh hell no! She wants to do what because I hugged that near stranger hello?"

I didn't do anything wrong; I'm not going to fight her already mangled-looking face. I thought, 'Well if she's gonna hit me she'll do it now when I confront her.'

I walk off the dance floor and over to were she is standing with friends. I tap her on the shoulder. "Hey! You wanna beat my ass? I don't want your boyfriend. We know each other as classmates from the University of Memphis. There's nothing there, we are acquaintances."

She glared at me and walked away. Instantly I felt sorry for her. I remember being that insecure in previous relationships. You can't force someone to be faithful.

A few songs later he danced over again. He told me he'd buy me whatever I wanted. I turned him down. He asked me to take him home with me. I shook my head no, "No. I'm not interested. I have a boyfriend." He raised his voice above the music, "I wanna do nasty things to you."

What is this former classmate thinking? I've never even looked at him sideways. We were not even paired as partners in the group projects. Does he suspect that just because he wants to do nasty things to me that I'll instantly lose my mind and my pants? That I'll think, 'Oh, okay. 'Nasty things' sounds like an acceptable proposition. 'Nasty things' sounds like a good enough reason to throw away my relationship and leave my boyfriend who I pointed out to you earlier and right now is across the bar clearly watching you.' Does that line really work on any woman over the age of 22? Or just the slutty chicks he beds? Seriously! We are in our thirties! Come up with a new approach.

I shook my head no. I left him on the dance floor.

Yep, I still have it! However, as flattering as it was to have the former classmate hit on me, it's sexier that J-squared is confident in us and our relationship. The best thing about when situations like this arise is that J-squared never puffs his chest out and acts like a jealous gorilla marking his territory. Confidence, security, and trust are sexy. I'm glad we have those. But, I can't blame that girl, I'm Confidently Awesome and if I were her I'd want to beat my ass too.

Friday, December 7, 2012


Today is an unbelievably, spectacularly, extraordinary, special day!!! Today Phaedra turns 13!!!!!!

It seems like a short 16 months ago when I came over to the J-squared household for our first official re-date. Before I could put my Not A Minivan in park a little dark haired girl with giant doe-like dark eyes was standing next to my door and staring me down through my drivers side window. I opened my car door and before I could say hello she sings, "You looooove my Daddy!"

When I regale stories of her antics my mother says, "Even though she's not yours you deserve every thing she does." Boy does she sometimes embarrass me to no end.

A few months ago J-squared, the Little Rottens, and I made a trip out to visit the gang at Rossville.

Rossville is the location where J-squared and his high school buddies spent most weekends camping during their adolescent years. This group of men has evolved from being a group of high school friends into a brotherhood. To the Little Rottens this group of men, known as the Rossville Warriors, are all addressed as Uncle. The Warriors now bring their next generation out into the woods to appreciate familial heritage, fraternity, nature, and discover just who they are.

On this Saturday evening the Jeep is loaded up and we are heading to Rossville to break bread with the Warriors. I had not eaten all day, so by the time 7:30pm rolled around my blood sugar dropped to the point where I was quite intolerable. I was sitting around the picnic table with J-squared and the guys praying for dinner to be ready soon. From across the camp Phaedra yells, "You're being kinda mean Muffy. Are you about to start your period?" I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me, especially when I saw the look of horror on the Warriors' faces.

There's nothing quite like estrogen invading the space of a testosterone club. What can I say? I take total blame for this incidence. In order not to frighten the girls with my female issues situation has forced me to be very open about them. I apparently forgot to discuss the appropriateness and timing of menstruation talk. That's why J-squared has a standing moratorium on certain words having to to with the female reproductive system and why us girls now have secret code words and sign language.

In 17 short months Phaedra has transformed from an 11 year old girl with stains on her t-shirts into a beautiful teenager with a fashion sense of her own. She's cunning. She studies everyone; she'll figure out how to take over the world one person at a time. Watch out for those big, dark, puppy dog eyes; they are her secret weapon. She is wicked intelligent and always one step ahead of the game. That contributes to her hilarious sense of humor. She lulls you in by being sweet, when you are secure she jabs you with the old one-two punch. She is sensitive, affectionate, and extremely kindhearted. She holds my hands, gives kisses, and shares hugs. I adore that sometimes when we watch television she'll crawl into my lap to cuddle. Phaedra is a stunning young lady with boundless potential!

I'm ecstatic that I have the opportunity to be a part of her life! Happy Birthday to my not so Little Rotten!!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Pimp My Thursday

Today I'm pimping my friend's book. Yes! A book he wrote and it's published. That's Confidently Awesome!!!

Robert Thead is a beyond exceptional guy. I've had the pleasure to know him for the past 9 years. He has always had a kind word and a hug to share in times when they are needed the most.

I've had the chance to flip though his newest release, White House Christmas Tree Lighting. I cannot wait until this evening to sit in front of our electric fireplace, cover up in a blanket, sip on something piping hot, and read this short story.

So, if you get the notion, please download Rob's book today from It's free and you'll be supporting a fellow University of Memphis alumnus.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Tardy for the Party

Holy brown-word!!! I need a teleporter!!! True to Conway fashion I'm running late!!

When I hopped out of the shower I was in a rush! I pulled on the first pair of panties in my drawer. Of course they are of the sexy variety and not made for comfort. Let's just say they are now 'church' panties. Then, I pulled them up too high. I immediately shimmied on what used to be my fat jeans; now they are just my jeans. That's because I'm happy and in-love. I still have my towel on my head as I'm driving behind the slowest minivan in the universe. I'm furiously fighting an all over wedgie, which is only acceptable in thong panties.

If I'm walking funny today just nod in understanding. We both know what's going on.