I'm sitting here staring at the blank screen, completely dumbfounded at what to write. There is so much I want to say. There is so much I need to tell you.
I'm doing the only thing I know to do. I'm writing this from the chair of a beauty salon.
The cardinal rule a girl must follow upon the break up of a relationship remains to be, "do not touch your hair." I'm throwing caution into the wind and I'm breaking my own rule. I am in desperate need of a change and in the next few weeks change is all I will have to embrace me.
Last week Rhine and I separated. "To save our relationship." Insert eye-rolling. I moved out of our bedroom into my own. Rhine determined that in order to "save our relationship," we should take time apart. I have been through all of this before; the end is not new to me. It is not like we have been much of a couple anyway. We fight every time we try have a conversation. Rhine is and has been sleeping downstairs on the sofa for the past month, since we came back from Hot Springs.
On one hand, I want to be with Rhine because we've been together for four and a half years. Out of habit, I have loved him. On the other hand, our relationship is good only in fleeting, sporadic moments.
This is contrary to what we let the outside world see. To everyone else we carried on like the ideal couple, devoting ourselves completely to one another, appearing to be happy. We tried to be one of those "it" couples that would make it together against all odds. Sadly, it was all an act.
I suppose I better start from the beginning. This time the truth will be told.