Monday, July 30, 2012

Karmic Retaliation

My Mom always says that when I have children I'll earn karmic retaliation three-fold for the antics I pulled in my rebellious years.  I don't have my own children, but in an attempt of the universe at seeking revenge at me for my former antics I have earned three paybacks. Oh, my Little Rottens!

This evening, as she is rolling Lime leaves to cut and cook for supper, Pandora's cell phone is blowing up with text messages. In between text conversations she is teaching me to make the Thai dish Chicken Panang. Gaw, it's so delicious!

As the conversation and cooking lesson is progressing Phaedra sneaks away from her duty as rice chef to return to her new-to-her laptop that is patiently waiting in the Living Room.

Pandora's friend, Gavin, is annoyingly bugging her with his text messages. Those are her words, but I think she secretly loves the attention. Gavin wants Pan to come out to a party he is attending. After repeatedly asking Gavin who the party goers are he finally answers. She yells in frustration, "Ahhh! It's a Sausage Party! I don't want to go to a Sausage Party!!!"

I promptly reply, "That is EXACTLY why they want you there!"

As Pan is growing increasingly frustrated with Gavin and the prospects of attending a 'Sausage Party' Phaedra is questioning the term.

She is quiet at first, "Sausage Party? What is a 'Sausage Party'?"

Slowly she gets louder, "Averill, what is a 'Sausage Party'? Hey! What is a 'Sausage Party'?"

At this point I am hoping J-squared will hear the questions, come out of his bedroom, as the door is wide open, and answer this daunting question. I do not see his shadow looming on the carpet in the hallway. His ear buds are firmly planted in his ears, an audio book drowning out our noises as he works from home.  I send up a silent hope, maybe she'll look it up on-line. Instead the hall bathroom door swings open.

I walk out of the kitchen to look at Phaedra, who is sitting at the drafting table on her laptop.

"Phaedra, a 'Sausage Party' is a get together that only has men attending. In this term the word sausage is slang for a penis. Only men are at the party."

Phae is silent.

 "Awhh man!! Even I know what a 'Sausage Party' is. That's inappropriate to talk about, especially to tell Phae. It's inappropriate!"

I correct him, "No Mav. If Phaedra has enough nerve to ask me a question, the least I can do is answer her honestly."

His rebuttal, "It's still inappropriate!"

With this simple comment Maverick places himself squarely in the epicenter of the conversation.  He is the target for being on blast.

Pandora pushes past me, "NO! NO, Maverick! You know what's inappropriate is you locking yourself in your bedroom with your laptop, looking at porn, and masturbating. That's inappropriate!"

Mav silently sulks back to his bedroom.

Oh, brown-word! I don't know what I did, but I'm absolutely sure that for some past indiscretion I deserve this karmic retaliation.

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